Sunday Coed at Memorial Stadium [WIN 04]

Despite temperatures well below freezing, the heat was on at Memorial Field on Sunday, as the original Tubbs busted up the Porkchop Express's defense like a South Beach drug deal. The Express had about as much hope as Don Johnson's singing career as they were spanked 38-8, a proud Edward James Olmos yelling words of encouragement from behind his broom on the sidelines. While vicious jibes of "brutality" and "pig" were heard to be muttered by unknown members of the opposing bench, Tubbs paid no mind as she caught a TD pass early on. When reached for comment after the game, she simply winked as she pulled a pair of aviators from her white leisure suit, hopped into her Ferrari, and sped off into the night, The Art of Noise's "Moments in Love" blasting from her still audible speakers. Of their heart-breaking week one loss, The Porkchop Express could only say: "It's all in the reflexes, Wang," as they all simultaneously inflated to twice their normal size and exploded. For some, the agony of defeat is a weight to great to bear.

Burning Sensations!?! Those guys are dirty.